It is the anniversary of the day I wanted to die. And tried. It was a spontaneous attempt. I am told second attempts are. My first attempt, also in the month of August, was more planned, more thought out and more gruesome in my intensity. The second attempt just occurred to me and I was like Yeah let's do it, like right now. So I am going to repost something I have written on the topic to show the pain itself is a suicide risk and unmanaged pain is dangerous.
Depression Part Two by Hyperboleandahalf This is a funny but very accurate description of what depression is like.I had a horrible sense of numbness after I tried to commit suicide because oddly enough after the suicide attempt I got depressed. I say that and people don't get it. What? Clearly you must have been depressed before. Isn't suicide all about depression? But suicide can be about pain and not depression. Or a form of depression linked to pain levels I suppose. When there is a great deal of chronic pain, aggravated by circumstances that enhance it so you can't even just Be in pain, you must suffer the intense rawness of it and focus, and work and function. Horrific torment.
Migraine, Chronic Back Pain Tied to Higher Suicide Risk
"Although undoubtedly psychiatric factors are important, there might be aspects of the pain that in and of themselves increase a person's risk," Ilgen said. "There might be something about someone with significant pain that puts them at increased risk."